Women

Miss A couldn't take her eyes off the gold necklace that my friend was wearing on her marriage day. I thought if I look closely, I would find her pupils dilated, almost in a state of trance. "Oh but I can do better than that, " she said finally. Miss A is going to get married in a few days. She had come over to my place for a last 'spinster meal' or what we say in Bengali: aaiburo bhaat. After the meal we were hanging out in my room when I decided to show her the wedding pictures of another friend who had got married last month. That was how she came to be transfixed to the image of my friend in her wedding attire, red benarasi saree and gold jewellery. Too much is never enough for Miss A. She had declared proudly once: I am going to put on all the gold jewellery I can lay my hands on, on my wedding day. I don't care if they match my outfit or not. I want to be covered in gold. There are many women like Miss A who think their ultimate aim in life is to get married and on the wedding day wear an entire jewellery shop on themselves. After all a woman's worth is measured by the kilos of gold she can wear! Sigh!

Miss S is now a dutiful wife and daughter-in-law. In the 12 months that she has been married, she had the companion-ship of her husband for just 5 months. He is with the merchant navy, sailing in the South China Sea as I write. Miss S is very adjusting and compromising. She would never dream of hanging out with her friends post marriage as this might upset her parents-in-law. Miss S has discarded all her denims, skirts and tees and has draped the saree for good. Miss S travels from North Kolkata to South Kolkata in the metro for the meagre job that she does. The first thing that Miss S has to do after a tiring day at work is make sure that the compulsory 45 minutes 'chat' with her mother-in-law is done as soon as she is home. Sweet nothings about 'sangsaar' or household I presume. Miss S cooks the family dinner at 10 pm, sets the table, serves her in-laws, cleans the table after they are done and finishes off her own dinner at midnight, alone. She watches TV till 3 in the morning, half-asleep. Before long, its time to wake up to the same routine. Miss S has sacrificed her friends because she is now a dutiful wife and daughter-in-law. Miss S cannot post pictures of herself on social networking sites as that might upset her husband, who is out at sea and out of sight. Miss S is trapped and she is loving it. And she is always ready to give advise on how to 'compromise and adjust after marriage' and how 'all 'husbands' are essentially alike' and so on and so forth. God bless Miss S!

Both Miss A and Miss S are childhood friends of mine. And they would be extremely upset if they ever read this post. "Deblina, how could you defame us so?" would be their obvious retort. "Its is normal to lust after gold. I am a woman after all!" Of course you are a woman and it is okay to lust after gold. In olden days, when women were still subjugated, the gold that she owned or was given during marriage used to be her only wealth. Thats because women in those times never worked. They always had to depend on the 'menfolk'. But times have changed. Of course it is perfectly normal to 'lust' after gold, diamonds, rubies, the likes. But that is not the end of life! "Its normal to adjust and compromise after marriage!" Well I don't deny that. I'm not sure about compromise but it is perfectly normal to 'adjust' after marriage, at the workplace, in the family...you name it. But adjust at what cost? At the cost of giving up your individuality??

I still remember, in 2007, before Miss S was married, I had come down to Kolkata from Delhi for Durga Puja. Miss S, Miss A and I teamed up and went for dinner. After dinner (It was only 7 pm!) I suggested that we go for a drink. Miss A was enthusiastic though she doesn't drink but Miss S vehemently refused. "I cannot drink now...I am getting married...and my husband is not with me..!" And so she mouthed some inane excuses and hurried home leaving me fuming!

The problem with them is that they are too happy in their situations. They would hardly even notice that in the 21st century, such behaviour is not really ..uh...normal...(or...is it??!!) Nevertheless, I now realize that I had expected too much out of my best friends. I really shouldn't have.